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Posts Tagged ‘habits of the successful’

Success is the Best Revenge

It happens to everyone: a business partner embezzles funds destroying the company and leaving you with the mess, an ex betrays your trust, a co-worker or supervisor harasses you. It is easy to get angry and fire from the hip. But reaction only makes it worse. To make matters even worse, the person who slighted you gets away clean while your response is dealt with harshly. There is something true to the adage: the second one to throw a punch gets caught.

There is a better way that doesn’t harm any party involved: success. Success is said to be the best form of revenge, but it only works if it isn’t done for traditional revenge reasons.

The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said if your life has a why you can bear almost any how. This is a fancy way of saying your life needs purpose to strive for the important goals.

Money will drive you if your finances are in desperate straits. Once the basics are covered new motivations are needed to keep striving for goals. Sheer love of the process drives some, but this is the minority. The vast multitudes need something more, a prod to keep them moving forward.

Dreamscape

Failure happens. All your hard work and planning sometimes ends up in flames. Your financial dreams are tested in these dark times and to make it worse, people delight in your pain, some more than others. A certain crowd enjoys watching people suffer. Sometimes it is a crowd specific to you.

People are jealous of other people’s success. The people closest to you can be the worst, secretly delighting in your misfortune. Building financial success is one thing. As the market claws higher, over-spenders of the world secretly pray for the day when the market collapses or at least your investments take a serious haircut. A jealous brother or friend despises you because you had the discipline to spend less than you earn and invest the excess in index funds.

An ex is the worst of all. In their mind you don’t deserve success or any pleasure after your relationship with them ends. There is something decidedly psychopathic about such attitudes. When you move on with your life and start dating again she takes great pleasure in each relationship that doesn’t work out. It’s as if their worth in life is tied to your failures.

Failure happens more than success so the haters have plenty to gloat on. Your financial investments will have plenty of down days, some remarkably so. Staying the course means time will be kind to you so you get more revenge than your nemesis.

All these feelings, unfortunately, are counterproductive. Revenge is the acid which destroys the vessel which holds it. We all attract haters as we grow. People will do incredibly horrific things to tear you down. The higher you climb the more excuses these people have to hate you for your success. They will work tirelessly to harm you.

Perspective

This is where you need perspective. While people may hate you for your success and feel you don’t deserve it (who does?), the truly successful know the truth of human nature. Jordan B. Peterson wrote in his book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, “Most individuals are dealing with one or more serious health problems while going productively and uncomplainingly about their business.” (I recommend purchase of Peterson’s book. Read it, mark it up and then use it as a constant reference manual on living well.)

It is so easy to sink to the level of those who wish you harm. Striking back is a reflexive response. Mature individuals, however, know everyone is carrying a heavy burden. As Peterson noted, the majority of people are fighting a medical issue or a close family member or friend is. When you think about it that way it is easier to forgive a past transgression.

Forgive does not mean forget. If a friend betrays your trust you can respect the difficulties they are experiencing in their life. But you don’t have to trust them! This is a personal finance blog so we’ll use a financial example. If a friend steals from you or doesn’t repay money you borrowed him you don’t have to keep giving them more. That isn’t what friends do; that is how people enable addicts and other people in serious need to change in their life.

Hating a cheating ex is natural. The bitter feelings need to come out. But get them out quickly or they turn into a cancer harming you! Yes, you have been betrayed. Don’t allow the betrayer to continue harming you!

Motivation

Past bad experiences can be a powerful motivation tool. Anger and bitterness will eventually destroy you. The “I’ll show them” mentality also wears you out in the end. There is a better way to channel this energy.

Revenge is usually not the real motivation. You are hurt over a betrayal and you want to show “them” what they missed. Using success as a form of revenge is really about showing the world how valuable you are. The people who hurt you in the past are not allowed near you and your newfound success.

Revenge over a prior slight is a long-term steady emotion. Deep down it isn’t about revenge; it’s about acceptance. You are projecting your success as a way to let everyone around you know you are valuable. Every action is motivated discovery. Am I really able to do this? The person who slighted you may not even know you are growing and winning. It doesn’t matter. The person you are really trying to impress is yourself.

Failure brings out the worst in people. Failure is a natural and normal part of the success process.

Elon Musk is struggling with production at Tesla. His efforts to build enough cars to turn his company cash flow positive are necessary if he wants his company to survive. He has tweeted several times in the past about his detractors. He warned people selling him short they will learn a valuable lesson soon. Musk isn’t technically out for revenge, though he is working to prove all the naysayers wrong. The motivation is so powerful he is reported to sleep on the factory floor so he has as many waking hours as possible available to apply toward his goals.

Initial thoughts of revenge are counterproductive. Your first reaction is to strike out at the person hurting you. This will cause you more trouble than anyone else. After the initial sting, the steady state of numbness can go one of two ways: you can fold your tent and withdraw or you can focus on the goal. Quitting is an unfortunate reaction. Stepping back and thinking about what you really want and how to go about getting it is far more productive.

Benefits of Success as Revenge

People visiting this blog generally are looking for ideas to lower their taxes, build wealth, start a business or insights on retirement, early or otherwise. All these things are forms of success. Efforts to create something suffer inevitable setbacks. Many slights are only perceived. We think people are laughing at us or rebuking us due to our misfortune. This isn’t always the case.

A parent may show disappointment when an adult child gets arrested for DWI. The instinct is to withdraw. Burying your instinct is important. To move forward, to grow, you need to use your mistake as a motivator for change. You parents aren’t out to get you, nor do they derive pleasure from your failure. They want what is best for you so they show disappointment. And they can’t do it for you. Your anger isn’t really directed at them; it’s directed at you.

Lottery winners learn fast how many friends and family members they have. When the money runs out they find out how many true friends they have. The same applies to all of us to a lesser degree. When you bust your tail at a business or investing for early retirement or world travel plenty of people will dissuade you. Your friends are limited as you are in the building process. Not many people want to stick around. They’re afraid you might put them to work.

As the goal approaches the number of friends increases. Now you have money; now you are successful. The fun part is celebrating a victory and crowds of friends show up for that. Most you never met before in your life. Such is the nature of fair weather friends.

The same applies in the blogosphere. Everyone wants to know the bloggers slamming it. The guy eking out 72 pageviews isn’t fun to be around. It’s all work, research, and discovery. Success isn’t guaranteed. The fun part is when playtime is available. It takes courage to continue. Thoughts of revenge rarely play a key role. But thoughts of showing people in your sphere of influence you have the right stuff does.

One of the most disgusting displays of fair weather friend behavior involves interpersonal relationships. Staring and building a business takes long hours of hard work and sacrifice. Money is tight; every penny is funneled into the project. Relationships are destroyed sometimes. All parties may not be as committed to the project as you. Over my three and a half decades of practice I’ve seem divorces over this kind of thing. What I find disgusting is when success finally arrives the person who left frequently finds their old partner more attractive then. Rekindling such a relationship rarely works because it is based on one party being exceptionally shallow.

When in the trenches, look around you. When you are sleeping on the factory floor giving every ounce of energy to bring an idea to life, stop for a moment to take an inventory of the people with you. One, maybe two, of these people are true friends. When things turn the corner and success is in full bloom it will be more difficult to determine who your friends are as everyone wants to be your friend.

Enemies will be obvious. They’re the ones constantly gloating at every minor failure. They play an important—if not ignorant—role, too. They are a constant source of motivation to climb to the next level. Not to show them, but to remind you of what you are capable of.

 

More Wealth Building Resources

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Medi-Share is a low cost way to manage health care costs. As health insurance premiums continue to sky rocket, there is an alternative preserving the wealth of families all over America. Here is my review of Medi-Share and additional resources to bring health care under control in your household.

QuickBooks is a daily part of life in my office. Managing a business requires accurate books without wasting time. QuickBooks is an excellent tool for managing your business, rental properties, side hustle and personal finances.

A cost segregation study can save $100,000 for income property owners. Here is my review of how cost segregation studies work and how to get one yourself.

Worthy Financial offers a flat 5% on their investment. You can read my review here. 

 

Perceptions of the Wealthy: Learning to Think Like the Rich

Our view of the world is colored by our perceptions; our perceptions are colored by experience; our experience is adulterated by media influence. The secret to financial wealth is between the ears. How you think has as more to do with wealth creation than hard work. It is possible to work hard and accomplish nothing useful. Only with the correct mindset is value created.

Tony Robbins is fond of saying, “The past does not equal the future.” I think he is right. The average man or woman spends too much time worrying about every failure they experienced in life. Moving from mediocre to significance requires burying the past: the good and the bad. Past success isn’t good enough to ride on and failure doesn’t define you unless you allow it to.

There are only a few seemingly minor differences between happy, well-adjusted, successful, wealthy people and the masses. Believe it or not, wealthy people do NOT consider money their most valuable asset; time is. Money can be lost and having money always requires investing it or burying it in the ground. Both options carry their own unique risks. Rich people know money is easily replaced. In a world of fiat money (issued by decree) the government just prints more when things get tight.

Time is another issue. Whereas, you can always rebuild from a failed financial venture, time wasted is never recovered. The best one can hope for is a learning experience applicable to future endeavors. The financially successful of our communities know every moment should provide value. Sleep nourishes, quiet time allows for reflection, work feeds the soul and reading feeds the mind.

The Neighbors You Keep

I worry at times the FIRE (financial independence/retire early) community will implode. The group is diverse with people from all walks of life. Jealous and selfish people have plenty to gain by harming the movement. Perceptions are all important.

Think of a new friend you meet at a financial conference. You hit it off and share stories. You feel a strong affinity with your friend until you are shocked to learn she has AIDS. She never changed, your perception of her did. And that is wrong. If she was a nice person to talk with, she is still a nice person even if you learn she has a disability or disease.

Judgmentalism is a damning disease that destroys everything around it. It is so easy to judge others. The Bible even has a verse warning of such behavior, where Jesus preaches to take the beam from your own eye before the sawdust from your brother’s. (Matt 7:3-5)  Many religions warn against judging other as it leads to you being judged.

Walls are easy to build; near impossible to tear down! It is easy to stay within your own comfortable group. But if you are well on your way to financial independence, you need to share with people beginning their journey. Most people would rather continue their foolish money habits. Those who come to camps, meet ups and conferences (FinCon and the various FI camps around the world as examples) are eager to learn. Sticking tight to your click encapsulates your knowledge and experience. Only with open arms can they learn and grow. In fact, the only way for you to move another step higher is to share your experience! If you stagnate you risk tumbling back down the hill. It’s happens faster than you think. Billionaires have gone broke!

We can also judge people by where they live. Our initial impression is shattered when we discover our new friend lives on the wrong side of town. Once again, nothing changed except your perception.

Let’s hit closer to home. Your favorite accountant lives in a sleepy part of a quiet state. Yet, in this quiet neighborhood, the district attorney in the county where my office is planted went to prison on federal and state charges of bribery. A few of the convictions were overturned; most were not. Justice went astray for a long time in my community.

More recently, the district attorney in the county I live was booted out of office. His wife was accused of activities which could be construed as federal felonies! People get sick of that behavior from elected officials.

My county has a long history of poor behavior. The drama of the Netflix documentary, Making a Murderer, took place seven miles from my doorstep! To make matters worse, one of the key players in the investigation, Mark Weigert, is now running for sheriff and is likely to win! You can watch the documentary where Weigert gets a 16 year old kid, Brendan Dassey, in a secluded room and grills him for hours without his parents or an attorney present. Dassey has an IQ of 73 and a verbal IQ of 69 according to the documentary. Making a Murderer is chilling to watch. How anyone can take pride in cracking a kid with a low IQ is beyond me.

If we saw this happen in a third-world nation we would be up in arms. Since it happened right here in the good ol’ US of A we stand in stunned silence. Do we hate everyone from Wisconsin or my county? I sure hope not! Every community has things it would rather not talk about. Once again, we shouldn’t judge people without knowing all the facts. (And you never have all the facts.) Judging someone on a past fact diminishes you and invites others to return the favor.

Perceptions can cost a community or individual. Poor choices a lifetime ago can extract a current cost if you allow it. Perception has a powerful hold.

Wealthy people make mistakes all the same. The only difference is that they don’t allow perceptions to derail their aspirations. Never allow someone else’s perception to alter your focus. Lesser people will always want you to quit. Winners don’t do that!

Your Most Valuable Asset

While average people are concerned with the perception people have of their work ethic, status and affluence, the wealthy are laser-focused on the most valuable asset anyone possesses: time.

Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Elon Must and Jeff Bezos all have the same amount of time each day as you. What each does with that time determines the level of value created. Create massive value and financial wealth is sure to follow.

When you are more concerned with the actions, past and present, of other people, you are allowing your perceptions to be twisted. This will make you average, mediocre. Your desire for all the benefits financial independence brings will be derailed because you allowed your precious time to be wasted by unimportant dramas.

Tony Robbins is right, the past and future are only loosely connected. Past mistakes mean you tried. That’s more than you can say for most. Mistakes do not define you; how you handle them does. If you quit because you’re worried what others might think, you rob the world of your talent and experience! All the time invested learning those skills is squandered. You have wasted the most valuable asset any human being possesses. Rich people don’t do that.

If your dreams involve early retirement (retirement at any age) then you must use your time wisely. Business ventures will fail. Ideas that sounded good at the time will fall flat. Screwing up is not the problem. Never screwing up is! The only way to never screw up is to never try. If you never try, all you have is delusions of grandeur.

Carry It with Pride

I don’t walk around telling people my net worth. Money is a score card for determining value created in my practice. As much as I avoid talking purely money, people tend to come to the conclusion quickly I have a significant financial pot of goodies.

People develop a perception of me fast. The same happens to you. Then the gloss wears off. My human side is exposed, warts and all, and the weaknesses and failures are revealed. Business ventures that ended with a dead thud remove the illusion, the perception, everything I touch turns to gold. (I butchered that goose a long time ago for stew meat.)

Successful people make mistakes. Big ones! It comes with the territory. You’ll also notice the failures don’t distract the successful from the true prize.

Elon Musk is a modern example. He made a fortune with PayPal and instead of sitting on his hands he risked it all on SpaceX, Tesla, Solar City, and now The Boring Company. Any one of these ventures could cost him his financial fortune.

But Musk knows money is not real wealth anymore than the scorecard in a bowling game is skill. Value must continually be created! He had to risk it all to do something of real value. His rockets are unique in their performance. Nobody has anything like it. Automotive manufacturers told us electric vehicles were not a viable option until Musk made it a reality. Now the simple-minded are playing catch up.

I don’t encourage mistakes. They happen easy enough on their own. But you should own your mistakes. Wear them with pride. They are a reminder you are human and remain motivated to create value. Scars are a badge of honor. When they lay you to rest, pray your skin isn’t smooth and soft. Pray to be covered in scars of experience. Yes, it is painful. But it is the only way to live life with meaning.

Our Deepest Fear

I’m going to close with a quote from Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I can’t say it better.

 

More Wealth Building Resources

Personal Capital is an incredible tool to manage all your investments in one place. You can watch your net worth grow as you reach toward financial independence and beyond. Did I mention Personal Capital is free?

Medi-Share is a low cost way to manage health care costs. As health insurance premiums continue to sky rocket, there is an alternative preserving the wealth of families all over America. Here is my review of Medi-Share and additional resources to bring health care under control in your household.

QuickBooks is a daily part of life in my office. Managing a business requires accurate books without wasting time. Quickbooks is an excellent tool for managing your business, rental properties, side hustle and personal finances.

A cost segregation study can save $100,000 for income property owners. Here is my review of how cost segregation studies work and how to get one yourself.

Worthy Financial offers a flat 5% on their investment. You can read my review here.