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Mr Money Mustache Fired His Accountant for not Retiring Early

Mr. Money Mustache fired his accountant for refusing to retire early. Humor. #FIRE #FIREcommunity #earlyretirement #retirement #financialindependence #humor #funny #comedy #MMM #mrmoneymustache #firedIn a breaking news story sure to rock the FIRE (financial independence/retire early) community, Mr. Money Mustache (MMM) has fired his accountant for refusing to take early retirement.

You may recall Mr. Mustache is the leader of this massive FIRE movement sweeping the planet. Suze Orman has never been the same since she said she “hates, hates, hates” the FIRE movement. Now it has come to light the leader of the New World Order has ordered the hit on his now former accountant for refusing to take a knee prior to normal retirement age for a public official (age 55). 

His former accountant, aka The Wealthy Accountant (TWA), kept a stiff upper lip when he broke the news earlier this year. However, the paparazzi knew something was afoot when Mr. Accountant had a tear at the corner of his eye. 

A secret recording — actually, an illegal wiretap — revealed MMM putting the thumbscrews to TWA. That poor (relatively speaking) accountant cried out like a stuck pig. (He does come from a farming background so what else would you expect.)

The wiretap revealed MMM demanding his accountant take an early retirement while it could still be considered “early”. You can hear the accountant’s refusal through racking sobs. God help us if the recording is ever released.

After TWA regained his composure he tried to reason with MMM. He said, “If I retire who will do your tax return?”

MMM never missed a beat. “Once you retire I start work on the IRS auditors. Once they retire early then I’ll get every government official to retire early. Then . . . ”

“. . . we’ll have anarchy,” I finished the sentence.

And that is where we stand. One unemployed accountant (not technically retired) is trying to pull the pieces together. He stands hunched over most of the time now until he notices someone watching. Then he straightens up with his shoulders back, facing up slightly, staring into the distance. It would be a thing of beauty if it wasn’t so sad.

 

If anyone thinks this is a serious post come over here so I can slap you. The idea was for a humorous post with the FIRE community center stage in the flavor of The Onion. We can call our production The Turnip: Just like The Onion, only tastes better.

Now it is your turn. Share a funny news headline about our demographic in the comments. Add a short story if you want. (Keep it clean. This is a family restaurant.) 

Finally, I hope your summer is going great! Let’s have some wonderful midsummer fun (at our own expense). 

 

 

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Keith Taxguy

9 Comments

  1. Cathleen Cooks Stuff on July 3, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    This definitely made me laugh (esp since I read your previous post a while back about being “fired” and not in the “FIRE” way). You could “retire” and just keep on working. “Wealthy Accountant Retires Early, but still shows up for work, and still bills clients!”
    For me, it would be “Government employee reaches FI, but still works for the man—blowing all the income on ponies and booze”

    • Keith Taxguy on July 3, 2019 at 1:53 pm

      Wealthy Accountant Retires Early, but still shows up for work, and still bills clients!

      I LOVE IT!!!

      Why didn’t I think of that?

      Government employee reaches FI, but still works for the man—blowing all the income on ponies and booze

      Ah, I could be considered quasi-government and I do resemble that headline. . . a bit.

      Awesome, Cathleen. Thanks for adding to the humor. Happy is good.

  2. Michelle Kry on July 3, 2019 at 2:46 pm

    In honor of tomorrow’s holiday…
    “4 Ways FIRE Members Can Blend At A 4th of July Gatherings”
    4. When asked why you didn’t drive, claim your car is in the shop.
    3. Agree that you are thoroughly enjoying this well deserved time away from the office.
    2. If asked, say that you purchased the Jello-O mold that you spent all day working on
    1. Claim that your family’s hand made festive matching outfits were a gift.
    – The Turnip

    “FIRE member stuns crowd by lighting off home made fireworks that she spent the year perfecting.”
    – The Turnip

    • Keith Taxguy on July 3, 2019 at 3:06 pm

      Excellent!

  3. The Turnip on July 3, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    In an odd display of anti-social behavior, a local unemployed woman named Julie, who appears to be in her late 30s, has been spending her summer days in a disturbing way lately. She claims to have retired from her career early, and can be seen by neighbors working in her opened garage over a variety of tools and machines that a few witnesses have claimed they’ve seen in the background on TV shows such as Property Brothers and Love It Or List It. Their purposes are unknown at the time of publishing the story. “She (Julie) must have been fired from her job and taking it really badly, being home all the time, exhibiting such erratic behavior,” said a nearby resident who wished to remain anonymous. “She walks her kids to school in the morning in casual clothes then just spends her day grinding away in the garage. It looks like she’s trying to finish a basement, but how could someone who’s unemployed afford to do that?” In an interview with The Turnip, Julie says, “I’ve really been enjoying life since (being) fire(d). So much free time to pursue my goals and enjoy family life. In fact, I really don’t want to be talking to you, so I’m gonna go away now.” It seems to be left up to our dear readers to speculate on what goals someone could have outside of advancing in their 9 to 5.

  4. Ckarion on July 5, 2019 at 7:41 am

    😄

  5. Katy on July 8, 2019 at 10:57 am

    Trust Fund kids move out of the way, trust fund adults are here to stay.
    – Rather than resting on the laurels of generational wealth, millennial adults are becoming self-made trust fund “kids” in their thirties. This new jet setting crowd shows their working class roots by eschewing luxury hotels for local vacation rentals. One wonders what their own children will think when they reach their majority only to find no such trust fund for themselves.

    (I just really like explaining FIRE as working your way into being a trust fund kid)

  6. Wilkop on July 9, 2019 at 11:10 pm

    The Wealthy Accountant and I announce our respective retirements at the end of the busy season in 2015, or 2016, or 2017, or 2018, or 2019, or 2020…….or……
    Unless things change they stay the same. And some of us are just dying to work one more year.

  7. Drew the Data Guy on July 10, 2019 at 1:58 pm

    Haha, can you find similar photos for all of your articles? That dude’s face is hilarious. I assume that face is what Suze Orman pictures when she thinks of a FIRE member. Just some bored guy sitting at home powdering his face with his wife’s makeup while she’s at work, wondering what to do with all his free time.

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